A yoga instructor I know posted on Facebook a list of positive qualities to look for in a guy before deciding to marry him. We became friends while in the same Ashtanga certification class and I would see her from time to time either in the studio or her place of work. She is still single and dating, so I can see why this speaks to her.
Checking the source, I realize I have seen some of this website’s (https://thoughtcatalog.com) other postings on Facebook, but I had not checked any out until now. For the most part, I agree with most of the list; maybe this is showing a bias against millennial (and Gen Ys) guys, but if a guy does even half these things, he is probably a keeper!
The qualities are:
- Stay single until you meet a guy who opens every door you walk through.
- Stay single until you meet a guy who makes sure you walk on the inside of the sidewalk away from the street.
- The guy who holds your hand shamelessly and will kiss you in public.
- Stay single until you meet a guy who wants to bring you home to his parents.
- Stay single until you meet the guy whose friend’s already know about you before you meet them.
- Stay single until you meet the guy who will drop whatever to be wherever you need him.
- The guy who says, “text me when you’re home safe,” and stays up until he knows you are.
- Stay single until you meet the guy you’d proudly introduce to your father.
- The one who doesn’t try and change you.
- The guy who always texts back no questions asked.
- Stay single until you meet a guy who doesn’t have time for games and is brutally honest always.
- The one who pulls you close in public and kisses your forehead.
- Stay single until you meet the guy pays out of respect for you and doesn’t let you touch your wallet.
- Stay single until you meet the guy who keeps his word.
- The one who knows when to apologize when he’s wrong.
- The one who sends you flowers to your office, just because.
- The guys who sends sweet texts in the middle of the meeting he knows you’re stressing over.
- Stay single until you meet the guy who makes you want to be a better woman.
- The one who motivates you to achieve more and be better.
- Stay single until you meet a guy who is sure of you and never makes you doubt how he feels.
- The one who is certain of you and his career and a future he wants you apart of.
- The one who says I love you first just because he wants you to know.
- Stay single until you meet the guy who never stops trying to keep you.
- Because he knows getting you wasn’t the hard part but constantly giving you a reason to stay is what you deserve.
- Stay single until you meet the guy who makes you feel more beautiful just standing beside him.
- The one who still gives you butterflies when you walk in a room.
- Stay single until you meet the guy who makes you not want to be.
- The one who changes the standard you once had and suddenly no one can compare.
- Stay single until you meet the guy you can’t live without.
- Until then. Stay single.
Naturally, I have some comments on a few of these and would add a couple more!
- I encourage clients to refrain from using words like “every,” “none,” “always,” “never,” etc. I do not know the author but have heard “Always, and Never statements are always false!” Every door! So a guy ticks off 99% of this list and forgets to open one door and you supposed to dump him; I do not think so! I also think this applies to everyone, a nice courtesy to a fellow traveler on Earth.
- Wow, that is an oldie, but goodie. I remember my dad telling me this 50 years ago!
- & 4., 5. Yes!
- Come on. Drop something unimportant for him and very important to you, yes. Otherwise whatever he is doing should be considered just as important to him as what you want to do is important for you.
- & 8. Yes!
- Yes and vice-versa! There is an adage that women marry men with a list they want to change in him, and men marry women thinking they will never change; both are so wrong!
- Yes!
- Here we go with “always” again! And what is with the word “brutally?” Honesty, yes, yes, yes; brutally, a big no! Many guys think that “softening” the truth (still a lie!) will make it easier on the relationship when the opposite is true. Bad news gets worse with time. However, in love, the truth is not brutal. In love, hurtful truths need kindness, understanding, and no expectation on how it will be received. The truth might still shatter a relationship, but truth wins more often than not.
- Yes!
- Another blast from the past. Today’s women do not need taking care of; they are quite capable of doing this for themselves. Money can be a HUGE issue in relationships, but only because it is not usually discussed until there are problems. Just talk about who is paying for what before going out, but do not allow the relationship to degrade into an accounting ledger!
- & 15. Yes!
- & 17. Mostly yes! Sending flowers to her home is one of life’s few absolute “yeses!” But to work, forgo the surprise and ask first to ensure it is appropriate. Same with texting during a meeting, this can be very inappropriate. He will give the same boost doing it before the meeting and then again afterward.
- & 19., 20. Yes!
- Mostly yes! Again, this is an area relationships may have problems if not discussed early on and revisited as situations change. Most guys are internal processors, to whom the five worst words are “Honey, we need to talk!” External processing and negotiating when the issue is not hot will usually allow for a smooth relationship journey.
- – 25. Mostly yes!
- Yes and… Relationships are like a warm fire; both sides need to fed, stoked, and nurture that fire to keep it burning.
- & 28. Yes!
- Yes and… This sounds romantic, and I am parsing words here, but words have meanings. What if your guy dies, are you really going to not go on living? Feel like it, yes, but not literally.
Oh, and ladies, do the same for him; each of you is 100% responsible for your 50% of the relationship, so don’t think he can carry the whole load. One last pet peeve of mine (I can be so old fashion sometimes!): Guys, ask what your date is wearing and match her effort! I am amazed at the number of young ladies I see on dates “dressed to the nines” with a fellow in a T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. Have a little pride in yourself and show respect for your dates! I know, I know, now I am judging!