As you will learn as I add to this blog over time, I am very interested in the words people choose and pondering what they really meant! Of course, I could always simply ask or I might make a counter statement, but for now I am most comfortable with simply reflecting. The other evening, my wife, daughter and I went out for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner at a wonderful restaurant, The Bay House, in Lincoln City, Oregon. As always at The Bay House, the food and service was excellent and after we finished, our waiter snapped a few pictures of us out in the foyer. After having two pictures taken, I requested a third, but I tied my hair back to make it appear that my hair was shorter. While tying it back, I stated that this picture was for my Dad. As an aside, I have worn my hair very short for the majority of my five decades, but after seeing a picture of Sam Elliot on last year’s December cover of a glossy magazine, Cowboys and Indians, I decided to see if I could look like him! Two other couples from another table were there getting their coats and one of the fellows said something like “You would think at your age you wouldn’t care what your dad thought.”
While realizing that this apparent judgement had everything to do with this gentleman’s relationship with his father and absolutely nothing to do with my relationship, I nevertheless pondered the dual message it sent to me. If he thought I was tying my hair back because I would be intimidated or threatened in any way by what my Dad might say to me, he would have been absolutely wrong. I know my Dad’s comments would be dripping with disapproval and enhanced with colorful language and a derogatory analogy or two. That, however, was not why I chose to tie my hair back. Since he isn’t particularly thrilled with long hair, I gave him the illusion that my hair was once again short for the Christmas picture of his family. It will bring him happiness, if only until he sees me again. So, in truth, I did tie my hair back because of what my Dad would think! My decision had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with love.
Who knows, one day soon I might actually cut my hair just to please him. Or maybe it will be just because I find it fairly annoying (How do people ever get used to wearing what feels like a mop on top of their head!!!). However, that choice, whenever I make it, will be made from love and not a fear based position.