Wade H. Cockburn PHD Blog – Page 3

Let’s Talk Hate…

October 5, 2017 No Comments

I am always amazed at the way people talk and the way in which they use words. Add in hyperbolized and selective usage and there is an excellent chance the speaker is, at best, negating what they are trying to say or, at worst, being a hypocrite. These days, hate is used quite a bit and, in my opinion, in an incorrect way. Now it is all over the news. First, what is hate? Is it an emotion, a feeling, a thought, or a state of being? It can be all of these, but the one thing they have in common is these descriptions of hate stem from a mental construct. I hate lima beans, insects, bats, negative people, etc.; these express your opinion that you have possibly formed from experience. However, is it true? As Shakespeare stated in Hamlet, “Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” So in the above example, hating lima beans as an adult might be that lima beans interact with your palate in a way that is unpleasant. That is an observation, not a judgment; but do you “hate” lima beans or just find them disagreeable? Also, ask yourself if you have objectively and with full attention evaluated lima beans in the last five years; remember, our palate is always changing. What if you came into contact with lima beans, insects, and bats (or heard stories about them) as a child and determined you disliked then without actually giving them a

Stay single until…

August 14, 2017 No Comments

A yoga instructor I know posted on Facebook a list of positive qualities to look for in a guy before deciding to marry him. We became friends while in the same Ashtanga certification class and I would see her from time to time either in the studio or her place of work. She is still single and dating, so I can see why this speaks to her. Checking the source, I realize I have seen some of this website’s (https://thoughtcatalog.com) other postings on Facebook, but I had not checked any out until now. For the most part, I agree with most of the list; maybe this is showing a bias against millennial (and Gen Ys) guys, but if a guy does even half these things, he is probably a keeper! The qualities are: Stay single until you meet a guy who opens every door you walk through. Stay single until you meet a guy who makes sure you walk on the inside of the sidewalk away from the street. The guy who holds your hand shamelessly and will kiss you in public. Stay single until you meet a guy who wants to bring you home to his parents. Stay single until you meet the guy whose friend’s already know about you before you meet them. Stay single until you meet the guy who will drop whatever to be wherever you need him. The guy who says, “text me when you’re home safe,” and stays up until he knows you are.

Heaven or Hell?

July 5, 2017 No Comments

It has been a while since I wrote on my blog, partly because we’ve been moving which both sucked up all the available spare time and partly because there was so much going on that I encountered what I have affectionately termed “moving mind!” Luckily, we have now been stable long enough that I can get back to my writing. One other note, probably more to myself since I don’t believe I actually have any readers for this blog, I’m going to allow my writing to become a little more “edgy.” Up until now, I have stayed somewhat professorial in my writings; I am now going to become a little bit more, at times, paternalistic (I can see my daughter’s eyes rolling in anticipation of the lecture)! Almost every morning, I enjoy reading out of a book by Alan Cohen entitled “A Deep Breath of Life.” It is subtitled a daily inspiration for heart-centered living and is filled with wonderful one-page inspirational stories for each day of the year. There was an interesting juxtaposition between yesterday’s passage, the one for today on the Fourth of July, and what is transpiring in some areas and/or some subsections of our country. Up until now, I have shied away from anything political unless it simply highlighted an underlying psychological, developmental, or emotional issue; daily we are now confronted by all three stemming from both President Trump, the 24/7 media coverage, and the incessant need by some to discuss him. Yesterday’s reading was entitled

Don’t Be Defined By Your Past

March 16, 2017 No Comments

One of our greatest strength and also our greatest issue is the ability to remember the past. Children and mammals have this to a much lesser degree and, interestingly, it serves them better for it. So, let us look at their way of remembering the past first. While I strongly push not punishing, if done with young children and, in the animal kingdom let’s use, dogs it is imperative to punishment immediately after their transgression. The reason is they are so in the present moment, they have moved on mentally within minutes and do not actually remember that transgression. I am sure some of you are thinking, “that’s not correct,” but that is the problem with punishing. Sure, if you punish a young child or dog, they do remember, but they remember the punishment, not the reason why. They may or may not associate the punishment with the issue. There was a joke I heard many years ago which, while funny, also illustrates this. A dog messed in the house, so the owner grabs it, sticks its nose in the mess, shakes it while yelling, and then throws the dog out the window. This punishment happens a few times, and then the owner comes home to find a mess and the dog immediately stick its nose in it, shakes, and jumps out the window. That is why no current day trainer uses punishment to train any animal, so why do we continue to punish children? I would add that, even

I’m Back!

January 6, 2017 No Comments

I haven’t written a blog in quite a while; in fact, I haven’t written much of anything for several months. First, it was just a general malaise that I was able to work somewhat through, but not completely solve. The body-mind has a way of insuring that what needs attention or to come out does and so I then tweaked my lower back while exercising. Some kind of pain, mental, emotional and/or physical, happens to us if we don’t try to track down the emotional signposts given to us, but that was not the case for me; nothing was revealed despite working the issue for a couple of weeks. However, when I did not follow through, my back began to spasm. I have not had a part of my body hurt this bad in a long time. Normally, I have an agreement with my body to give me a not-to-severe wake-up call, but this time I quit working the issue. When it struck again, I couldn’t stand or sit for very long and was reduced to tears a couple of times. Needless to say, exercise and yoga were out, and my limited movement and pain put a real damper on Thanksgiving. Nothing like hurting and not being able to even stretch to help the situation! Luckily, my relational somatic psychotherapy workshop, where we do exceedingly deep work, was scheduled in the first week of December. There, I got in touch with the issue and was able to work through it.

Masks

November 4, 2016 No Comments

I have always enjoyed Halloween, both as a child on the receiving end and now as an adult in handing out treats! As a somatic psychotherapist, Halloween has taken on a whole new meaning for me. This blog is a bit late as Halloween has already passed, but is still pertinent. In somatic psychology, we talk about how everyone in the world is wearing social masks. That is, do to events that happened in our early childhood, we have had to adapt who we wanted to be, first to fit our into family rules, and then to conform in school cliques, amongst different groups of friends, in the workforce, and then full circle to our adult family dynamics. We have had to become someone other than our authentic self. Some of us recognize that we seem to take on different personas when in various social situations while others switch their social selves without any awareness. How interesting that while most of us never recognizing the social masks that we are constantly cycling through, we are fascinated with a holiday that glorifies wearing masks and pretending to be someone we are not. Even in countries that do not celebrate Halloween, costume balls are big events, and there’s a whole profession of actors who daily put on the “masks,” literally or figuratively, of characters when performing. So how do we learn which social mask to put on? Somatic psychologists have put forward the theory that, when an infant or a child encounters

Let’s Talk Hate…

Stay single until…

Heaven or Hell?

Don’t Be Defined By Your Past

I’m Back!

Masks

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